Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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