She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
