Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
