Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
