I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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