If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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