if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
