I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
