Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
