PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
