i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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