She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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