I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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