she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
