There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He better not be in your backpack
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
