Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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