And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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