Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
