I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
