spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
