why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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