just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
