come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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