I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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