whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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