just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
