Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
