I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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