ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
