So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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