filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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