After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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