shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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