You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
