In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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