it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude