Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize