arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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