mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
