you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents