I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life