you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
