I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
