I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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