We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
