I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
