There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
