Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
