I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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