You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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