Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
