I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I enjoy the company of your penis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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