We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
