Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I faked an abortion last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
