I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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