meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
