what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
