you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
