i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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