wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am spending my child support on dildos
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
