I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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