Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my poor anus
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
