you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
