i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize