i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize