I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
