Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
