i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
