and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
