So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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