Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
