I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
