So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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